Sooooooo, I mean no disrespect to my magnificent Abba above… truly I don’t. But today was one of those days that sort of put the nail in the coffin (so to speak) for me. I mean, some of you people know the intimate details of my life quite well and so you can probably understand my current exhaustion and general need for normalcy. Anywho… a few years back, my sis-in-law gave me a devotional called “Did I Really Just Say That? Facing Bad Mommy Days” I loved that story, it was all about a mom who had simply had a bit more than she could mentally deal with on one particular day. As a result… she sent her 3 kids to bed early and told them that “after they got ready for bed they should go sit on their beds and moan… for the Bible says that the Holy Spirit will lift up prayers on our behalf if all we can do is moan.” And she finished by saying, “So the Holy Spirit will be tucking you into bed tonight. I am done!”
Awful… I know *rolling eyes* Well, I didn’t go that far today, but I did come close. I got to the point where I was soooo frustrated and so upset that I just couldn’t even say a word. I don’t know if it was the crazy state of my life, or the exhausting emotional year it’s been. I’m not sure if it was the ludicrous things that went on during our stay in PR or the fact that my two youngest were screaming and crying all day long in the agony of teething. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that my 4 yr old and 5 yr old did much of the same moaning although they had no apparent reason to do so. It may have even been the fact that I had to restore my computer a couple of times because dear Shiloh kept banging on my keyboard as soon as I made progress on a task. Perhaps it was that Analiese insisted on speaking to me as though I were her child and she my mother. But I’m really guessing that the straw that broke the camel’s back today was, the fact I got a total of 1 out of 9 things done by 5pm… and as the royal flush (no punn intended)… after a day full of Ezi wetting his pull-up, but managing to poop on the potty… when I finally let him wear underwear at dinner… he got up out of his chair stood next to my chair and proceeded to poop while standing there. If that weren’t enough… he stepped in it, picked some up (to see how it felt I’m guessing) and then simply went back to his seat at the table and attempted to eat his dinner… but I caught him in time. All of this occurred while I went to the kitchen to get some water… GREAT! At this point, I was just speechless with despair. Here I am all alone in the midst of this great mess with not a single soul in sight to help me! And while I’m doing damage control: carrying him up the stairs held at arms length, spraying bleach on the floor and scrubbing… bleaching the chairs and table, attempting to contain the poop that I keep finding in every place imaginable, I begin to wonder to myself while trying not to have a nervous breakdown… “For real G-d… really Abba… is this what you have for me?” When are things gonna calm down? When? I mean I’m gonna lose my mind if I don’t see a ray of sunshine in this storm soon! I’m a strong woman, but really?
Needless to say… please pray for me. I know that He doesn’t give us more than we can handle… but I am quickly losing my gracefulness! HELP. SOS G-d, SOS!