Upon nap time today in my home, I found myself exasperated. I put all of my kids down for a nap in their respective beds. Then I picked up my current read, “A Woman After G-d’s Own Heart” by Elizabeth George. The particular chapter that I was reading was on having a heart overflowing with motherly affection. I was reading the part that speaks on how one should try to turn every activity into a celebration and a joyful occasion. Genius!
I love the entire idea and my heart was joyful with anticipation of putting this value and the ideas to work! Then I heard a scream followed by cries… it was Bear, my daring 2yr old, ofcourse. He had snuck out of bed (as is his daily naptime routine), and somewhere along the way, he hurt his foot while climbing back into bed. *sigh* So, I went into the room and checked his foot. The foot was A – OK. So, I tucked him back into bed and took to the task of reprimanding him for disobeying me by getting out of bed and playing. He gave me the “saucer eyes” before bursting into tears (quite loudly). I hushed him and gave him a quick kiss. With a deep sigh I made my escape back to my own bedroom while muttering, “have a good nap,” on the way out.
Setting my book aside, I lay down on my bed and began to relax and reflect on my life. I have so many blessings… great and small. I couldn’t name them all or put my finger on them all, even if I tried. Greatest of all is the blessing of the lives of all my children (aside from salvation of course). Yet lately, I feel so much pressure in the position I find myself in. If I were to give my current position a title… it would have to be “Single Married Mother of 4” or perhaps… “Married Single Mother of 4″… you get the point I’m sure! Under that title I am solely responsible, for the loving, nurturing, disciplining, consoling, rearing, caring, providing, protecting, and every other unthinkable or unmentionable need of a child, of each and every one of my children individually! And on a day like today, the magnitude of my task hit me squarely in the face. Such responsibility!
And as I pondered my position and thought of who may ever truly understand the weight of responsibility that I carry on a daily, hourly, minute by minute basis…. I pictured my G-d. G-d is the ultimate single parent! What a realisation!!! His bride is supposed to be helping Him speak Truth into this world and rear/direct the lives of all of His children… yet, she is off doing her own thing. And with that thought came the lifting of the weight that I had felt. Shame on me! No pity-parties here! What has been done to me and what I am going through is no different than what anyone else has suffered… not even different than what we humans do to our Maker and Master on a daily, hourly, minute by minute basis! The difference is… I’m not carrying this load alone. And just as Elizabeth George’s book says, “G-d’s assignment to mothers can sound overwhelming if we don’t remember that through His Word, in His power, and by His grace He fully provides all that we need to do what He commands.” (p. 145)
And how much more daunting the task can seem as a single mother if we fail to cling to this truth, His truth! After these 2 1/2 years of being a “Single Married Mother”, I’ve learned to appreciate the hardships. I do have my days of darkness when I feel that I can’t see up from down, but I am better for this taste of G-d’s work. And the more of His work that I taste, the more that I like what I am becoming. It’s easy to get wrapped up in me, but I have to remember to focus on the bigger picture and say thank you Father G-d for every lesson learned and thank you for the testimony that I now have to share!