What I’m pondering after a long, hard, busy, hectic day…
I could really use a physical presence to hold me and pour something back in. To fill my tank. After pouring everything, I have emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually into my children and my various responsibilities… where is my physical manna? The Lord is pouring an endless stream of manna into my spirit. But what about the physical, raw, right next to me presence that I yearn for. I know that the Lord is always with me, but I can’t shake that fleshly yearning for a human presence.
I am, at this point, convinced that some of us are wired to have this physical need filled. Not that we should become dependent on another human presence by any means; but there is an indelible desire within us for this companionship. As a mother this need, I think, becomes intensified. G-d gives us all we need spiritually and His provisions, of course, administer to our every day needs. However, as mothers we are constantly being drained and need a specific support that was ingeniously planned ahead for through the two parent system. The Lord clearly intended for children to be raised by two parents when He commanded that sex be inside of marraige only.
We, as women, have so many emotional needs that make us the magnificent creation that we are; full of the Lord’s grace, abounding love, passion… the Lord knew what would be required from us in the role of motherhood. I believe that He intended parenthood to exist within the bond of marraige, in great part, as a provision for our needs to be met. For us not to fall short.
But oh, how modern day relationships have strayed from the divine plan devised to avail us. The extra work that now must be done to compensate for what is being constantly, steadily extracted, lest we find ourselves bankrupt. And so our hearts weep in desperation and we are left feeling we need more than Abba can give us. We find ourselves living outside of His will; whether by our own choices or against our own zealous will. How do we reoncile this reality of bereft feelings with our deep abiding faith and love in our Savior? The desires of the flesh cannot be reconciled with the needs of the spirit.